ThE NighT i FleW

(continued from - the day i flew (see below) )

If the morning flight enthralled me, the night one left me speechless.

It was nothing like the creature that had taken me to Pune, a day before. It seemed more mechanical, more digitalized, more human.

With perfect harmony between itself and the runaway, it slid into motion smoothly, and all of a sudden like a bullet launched itself into the air.

From a Godly height, the night sky makes one realize that we humans are not really as disastrous as we are made out to be. Down below, in perfect symmetry, millions and millions of shiny little pinpricks watched us fly, shimmering in synchronization all the while.

There were clear cut divisions between the vacuum-black and the futuristic light zones, as if an architect had just designed the view for my eyes.

There was no sense of the raw, animalistic feeling attached to the flight which had been so prominent during the day. On the contrary, the night was completely governed by a pride at being human.

The lights of the plane were switched off, as we left the city, making us realize how black, black really could be. Completely plunged into darkness, with only the engine's humming to guide us, I felt numb.

Looking out of the window i saw nothing but a single star, probably guiding us.

Rising a little further up, the sky seemed like a sandwich made of 2 huge slices of the blackest bread. Gobbled up between these slices was a thin layer of faintly visible cheese and salami, in the form of a line of clouds.

A silky voice then rang out from the microphone above my head, announcing the arrival of a tasty array of snacks. The night sky and the plane, all suddenly seemed frivolous and all i could think of was the hot chicken tikkas, the shammi kababs, the aloooo tikiiiiess and the hot coffeeee that i would soon be served....
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Come the fuck on! hurry up!
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Goddamnit, ten minutes have passed and the air hostess is still nowhere near my aisle! I'm gonnaa need some muthrfkin food quick or SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET HURT REAL BAD!

All right fine, that was stolen from Russell Peters, but u cant really expect a hungry and irritated writer to focus on originality!
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AARGHHH! BLASPHEMY!
MURDER!
FRAUD@!

I got stupid cold n dry paneer paranthas and even drier chicken sandwiches for a freaking 300 bucks! Fuck u INdiGo airlines!
what all i couldve had with 300 back on land!

A KFC 12 peice bucket with coke...
or a full days meal at Mc. D's..
or perhaps, a naiice double cheese burst cheese margehrita at dominoes...

I am Fucked up beyond all repair.

Cannot ..
Continue..
writing..

Need ..
to..
regain..
my..
honor..

must..
kill..
someone..

RaTs

It is simple..

Quite simple as that..

There’s no rainbow..

With tri-colored hats..



When goons with gusto..

Goof up with guns..

Who’s to blame?..

Just us multi-colored rats....

ThE maN Who ChangeD ChangE

he walked the earth,
he freed the moon,
he shaped himself his shadooooow....
he mourned change-it caused him pain,
yet he sends his 'suns' to gallows..


white peace he thot,
he did create,
till bouncing came his felloooows...
the starry knights, with dynamites,
they killed, they grilled the(reptile)dinooooos..


and cried and wept,
and moaned he did,
as black-ash filled his seasonnnns..
copper crusts and billowy dusts,
his tears filled the oceannnns..


bt stopped or dropped,
never did he,
as the road turned thornnnnyy,
for the sage-prophessed a.new.age.
whence all shall be hornnnnyyy...


a new age dawned,
with his new age spawn,
with stones n' sticks n' boooobiess..
with buildings duplex and raunchy sex,
who needs-stupid-reptile looooniess..


if change is changed,
what is change?
if change happens daillyyyyy..?
he changed change, he chained change,
realized, it happens constanttllyyyy...

CrAdLes aNd DrooBles

Cow milk, goat milk , buffalo milk , toned milk, full cream and what not . It is interesting how humans give their babies every possible form of milk other than their own , while all other animals prefer to keep matters to their own mammary glands.



Little blobs of meaningless bundles of energy we eventually grow up to become even more puzzled and confused about our existence than we initially were.


What are babies? Where do they come from? Okay lets try and keep this article PG-13 and not delve into the biological aspects of it, but babies are basically our young ones, the tender saplings from whom we bloom into trees, shrubs, pitcher plants, medicinal herbs and what not.

Those big puppy eyes, that cute little smile, that shiny face.They’ve always scared the living daylights out of me. Kids are always upto something!! Watch one episode of ‘Rugrats’ or ‘Kids next Door’ and you’ll be convinced that babies are actually aliens from outer space out her to annihilate our entire race or perhaps eat us for thanksgiving on their home planet.

Even that is nothing compared to what the movie ‘Orphan’ would inflict on your mind once you get around to watch it. The movie very eerily shows a young girl being adopted by a childless couple,who later realize that that girl was actually a 40 year old seasoned serial killer whose growth had been stunted as a child . She had been pretending to be a little girl just to get into the house and while the parents would go to work she’d be busy killing people all around.

Freaky eh?. Now that’s certainly going to make you think twice the next time u see your nephew or niece looking at you suspiciously with that toy knife in their hands..


Delving a little into metaphysics, what if this life we live is the afterlife itself and our mothers wombs are actually tombs? Okay lets slow down a little.

What if we live a life , a very different life from this one and upon culmination of that life , we enter our tombs i.e. our mother’s wombs from which after nine months of exile we are reborn into this present world i.e. the afterlife that I speak of (which we consider to be life not afterlife offcourse), only to die again and enter some other form of tomb and then live another form of life …

Too speculative, confusing and wacky eh? Lets forget about that then. Lets talk a little about the things that we do know of but choose to ignore.

According to studies, a person is most creative the moment he’s born and then gradually his creativity depreciates. A popular Science journal once conducted a survey at many schools in this regard, where they drew a simple black circle on a large drawing sheet and asked kids of various age groups what it was. While kids in their late teens mockingly wondered what the big deal about a stupid black dot was, the answers got far more interesting as they went onto lower classes.

One kindergartener thought it was a picture of his pet cat while another wondered what his aunt Rosy’s head was doing on a drawing paper. The answers kept on getting wackier from globular alien monsters to black stars to thumbprints to deformed teddy bears , electric guitars and what not.

Bewildered by the findings of this study, I myself tried it at home. While my parents simply told me off for waving a stupid black dot in their face and reprimanded me for not doing something worthwhile with my life , my 3 year old niece on the contrary was baffled at how I had somehow managed to turn an apple black and stuff it onto a drawing sheet.

Children are no doubt the acme of creative skills and out of the box thinking. They’re obviously mocked at for being too immature and cocky but think for a moment, isn’t this kind of innovation and creativity just what we need in today’s world?

What if we could tap into this huge pool of creative skills and find solutions to so many of the modern day issues?
I know you must be thinking how would little kids who believe in Santa Claus and the Easter bunny help solve magnanimous issues like global warming?

Well its not the kids themselves but we who need to change. As we grow up we conform ourselves to social norms, tailoring our thinking and adhering to social conventions and that is where we go wrong. By carving ourselves to fit into already available niches we sadly become just like our predecessors and thus the problems stay as it is …


Largely we are of a single mindset with offcourse a few exceptions in the form of the Newtons and the Einsteins of our world who dare to let the child in them imagine and aren’t afraid to innovate.

Why do we feel so scared to go out and slide in the mud when it rains?

Why is so tough to laugh stupidly for no apparent reason at all?

Why is it so embarrassing to create make belief farts from our underarms?

Why do we hesitate to go out in the snow and make obese big breasted snowmen?

Truth is as time goes by we turn into cynical obnoxious mechanical morons who feel threatened with the slightest changes in their routines or thinking. What we need to do is to let go. Seriously let the child in you breathe free. Don’t be scared . The only thing you will loose is your honkiness and on the bright side you’d gain creativity , innovation and peace of mind.

sOaP Or ShaMpOO ?

That is exactly the first thing that comes to my mind the moment i see a bright glare radiating from a shiny bald head in the distance. Do bald people use shampoo or soap to wash their heads? I mean we are supposed to use shampoo on our hair just like the sexy actresses in all those TV commercials command us to do, but bald people don't really have any hair so shouldn't they use normal body soap even on their heads? i often wonder...


Baldness in all its extremities has always puzzled me.
On one side we have our Hindu sadhus and Sanyasis whose long strands of tresses and curls (which could probably even give Rapunzel a run for her money) seem to be a prerequisite for attaining Moksha or salvation.

However if we look a little towards the east on the other hand , we see Buddhist monks sporting the 'hot David Beckam bald look ' in all its serenity and tranquility claiming it to make them feel lighter and closer to god.
who do we believe?

Everyday we see advertisements such as
"BLAH BLAH ‘S HOMEOPATHY CLINIC : remedial solutions to hair loss , homeopathy has the answer"… and just below it you might see the same institution advertising bout its "completely painless body hair removal plan through BLAH BLAH LASIK THERAPY".

This leaves me even more perplexed. We pay to remove hair on one body part and pay even more to grow it back somewhere else?
Repositioning eh?..

Whoever decided that the social convention should be to sport hair on our heads and to trim it away if it dares to grow anywhere else?
What if chest hair was the socially accepted norm and not the present trend of head hair?
Imagine seeing people roaming around on the streets in front less shirts showing off their center-parted , spiked , mushroomed , mohawked and what not'd chest hair..
wow..even the mental image is freakish.



O GANJU PATEL ,
TERI KHOPDI MEIN TEL..

Haven't we all as kids used this ageless pun to tease bald people?
But it doesnt make any sense! Why would a bald person use hair oil?
that'd be like someone sprinkling the roads with water and manure hoping for trees to grow out of them..

Dont misjudge me, I am not out there propagating a ‘bald holocaust’ of some sort..quite the contrary in fact.
i believe baldness has a lot of positive aspects too. Fine , you might not be able to head bang to your favorite adrenaline pumping stoner rock songs , but if you wish to damage someone irreparably, head-butt's are the way to go..( courtesy - zinedine zidane)

Coming over to the bald and the beautiful section -

1) TOUGH GUY LOOK - bald men naturally get an unprecedented tough guy look.
(om puri , raghu ,vin diesel, stone cold steve austin )

2) SEXY - Heck, bald is even the new sexy these days
(Britney spears , lisa rae , david beckam , demi moore)

3) SPORTS – More than 3 quarters of the whole N.B.A fraternity is black..i mean bald :p

4)ENTERTAINMENT- And how can we forget our lovely,idiotic,beer drinking , donut stuffing homer simpson who is the epitome of all that is shiny and bald.

Phew! that is a lot of bald people.Perhaps if we all decided to go bald like them , the multi million dollar hair-care industry would go out of business. We wouldn't want that now would we?

So go ahead pamper yourself, get a haircut ,good shampoo,curls , spikes,oils ,hairsprays and the likes and enjoy your lovely silky auburn,blond ,black or red hair and if by chance god forbid , some years down the line you start loosing them , you do know that there's always room for more on the ever shiny ,ever glowing bald and the beautiful parade..

ThE DaY i FleW

Seated there, drenched in anticipation, I waited with baited breath on my seat - 22F, looking over the window for some signs of movement. But for the next ten minutes , none came except for the silky voices of the flight attendants, expressing their supposed euphoria at having us on board their plane.


Slowly and steadily, much more like a huge reptile than a bird, the plane started to shudder, a giant waking up from a long stretch of hibernation.For the next 15 minutes or so, it moved a around a bit, sensing, sniffing its territory from apparent dangers from other creatures in the form of rival airlines, gently stretching its wings all the while.


After being assured that no such dangers prevailed, us bugs were asked to tighten our hold onto the creature as it started to roar, rearing to go into battle.The engines powered on and i could literally feel the horse power cursing through my veins, igniting me. With a sudden jerk it moved forward with full blast, making us hold on for dear life.

I could almost taste my Adam's apple as the creature started to transcend angularly, its wings flailing outside my window.
It seemed as if it was gulping the fresh air, the wind acting like cold water, removing the after effects of a long slumber.

Finally it seemed to have reached familiar territory, stabilizing its flight cutting smoothly through the clouds like an eel in water. Gliding, sailing, playing with wind around, it seemed to have suddenly lost its scary demeanor.


Coming back to reality, i opened my eyes and looked through the window and was taken aback by the beautiful sky that awaited me.
no wonder birds are so tasty, i mean who wouldn't be if they could experience such peace and beauty for a major part of the day.

The sky seemed even better than what they show in the movies. There were various layers to it, each a slightly different shade of sparkling blue. Bright indigo blended into sparkling violet, violet into moist turquoise, the turquoise into sky blue. All seemed to fuse perfectly into the other, shining sharply, with the help of small mirror like clouds of various shape and sizes flying like magical carpets.


The sun seemed to be stimulating the beauty further by gently simmering the whole minty cool expanse dressing it with a moist golden glow.

Tearing my eyes away from the window portal i looked at the interesting fauna around me. A couple of kids were jumping up and down, mad with glee while their parents tried to calm them down, to no avail. The cello fin-wrapped air hostesses kept running to and fro fetching people whatever they needed, while a group of very stern looking Japanese businessmen discussed some seemingly serious business matter in an even more serious tone.

A couple of love birds, perhaps on their honeymoon, snuggled in one corner, oblivious of the bird or its flight, content with their warm confetti filled love bonds.

I snorted, looking to the window again, where the cloud army had increased its numbers many times. They seemed to be like white cotton candy trees growing on a vast expanse of some blue oceanic farm.

Once in a while we came across an evil looking black cloud. It seemed like a flat layer of oil-slick in the ocean. How the clear ocean water, on being evaporated, manages to turn priestly white clouds black, continues to baffle me. Perhaps it is just like what happens back on land, how saintly people tend to turn vile when soaked with power and fame.

One thing that felt weird though was the speed with which our creature was carrying us. It seemed to be crawling through the sky rather than flying through it, or so the clouds all around made it seem.

Escalating further, we actually caught a glimpse of the moon! at 9:30 in the freaking morning! This is was something really strange as i had no previous knowledge of heavenly bodies suffering from jet lags.

Slowly it started swooping lower and lower, as if encircling its prey, preparing to land. it seemed to dive right into the clouds. it felt like we were being pushed into huge pristine puffs of hookah smoke.
the twangs and pangs felt in one's stomach during landing are quite similar to that felt while on a swing.

The sudden jerk, the gush of wind, the whoosh of speed, the bird perched its feet on the ground in an almost orgasmic manner and finally came to a stop, lazily moving around, readying its bed for another quite sleep before it would be asked to fly again.